put me to work, you would think that by now i'm allowed, i'll do you proud

Okay.

Okay.

Look, at some point when I'm more emotionally stable I'll write something deep and meaningful that convinces you that I'm up to the task, of the task that I'm about to tell you that I'm up to, but in the meantime, know this. I've kept a secret from you since January 19. That day I got an email. Which resulted in hours and hours and hours of work. And some tears. And so much waiting. And then a phone call this afternoon.

The phone call which means that I, Laura Vincent, food blogger, am going to write a cookbook. A REAL COOKBOOK. For you! And you! And you and you and you you and you!

I've barely slept over the last few days and poor Tim (although, let's face it, lucky Tim), it's all I've talked about, and today was nothing but a strange blur (although dazedly asking if anyone wants to volunteer "as tribute" instead "for chair" during an important meeting that I myself was chairing kinda sticks out). I can't say just yet who's publishing it but you know them! You've totally heard of them and of course I'm going to say good things about them because they're being so cool but I promise you: couldn't have asked for a more exciting name behind my name. And of course they're awesome, right? They're publishing my cookbook! Who else had the foresight, the patience, the risk-take-ivity? This as-yet-unnamed publishing house, that's whom!

This is me after I found out, panic-stripped, and found myself wearing my shiny gold party dress. (I'm now back in trackpants, so you know.) That is the smile of someone who has wanted this for so, so long, with the fiery burn of a thousand French fries. This is the smile of someone who has had intense, self-worth-damaging disappointments along the way. This is the smile of someone who has kept a secret since January and has finally been able to share it with her parents and with the best friends in the world, who I'm totally dragging to the top with me to share in the joys of whatever being a cookbook author is like.

This is the smile of someone who sat on a bed this afternoon while waiting for the phone call and listened to Defying Gravity and cried and then wondered if someone who would do such a thing was suitable for a book deal. After giving it some thought I decided someone who does that absolutely deserves a book deal! I then watched the finale of Parks and Recreation again and cried again because I felt like what happened to Leslie Knope was a sign that everything was going to work out for me. Then I watched Defying Gravity (the Tony Awards show version) and cried again. Then I listened to Die, Vampire Die from [title of show] and looked at photos of capybaras and at a gif of Vince Noir and Howard Moon pashing. Then I watched Over the Moon from RENT. Finally, I started watching Donna McKechnie performing Music and the Mirror from A Chorus Line. It got to the bit where she's sings the amazing line, "I'll dooooo you prouuuuuud". And then the phone rang.

And I got it. I GOT IT.

I promise, as well as this being one of the most important things to ever happen to me, I will make sure it's something that makes your life more amazing too. I think a cookbook can do that. I think my cookbook can do that. There will never have been a cookbook like this before!

I mean, I hope so. Even as someone given to panic attacks and an I'm-sure-delightful personality mix of absolutely sure of myself mixed with nauseating insecurity (hey there, publishing house!) I do believe in myself. I know I can do this.

I'm going to write a cookbook! I LOVE EVERYTHING! HEY NIGELLA, YOU SHOULD SEE ME NOW!